HOW TO BE A GREAT NIGERIAN LEADER IN 5 USELESS STEPS

So you want to be a leader in Nigeria? Fantastic. Here’s your foolproof guide:

Step 1: Promise Heaven, Deliver Dust.

Before elections, swear that you will turn sachet water into bottled water for free. After elections, blame the last government for the shortage of rain.

Step 2: Hold Meetings. Lots of Them.

Call endless strategic meetings with long titles like “National Committee on Committee Planning for Development Planning”. Outcome? Snacks.

Step 3: Travel Abroad Frequently.

You must represent Nigeria internationally. Even if it’s for the opening of a shoe store in Canada.

Step 4: Build a Giant Billboard.

Make sure it says, “This Road Is Under Construction” for 4 years. That is progress.

Step 5: When Criticized, Play the Ethnic Card.

They’re not attacking your failure. No! It’s because you’re from Zone B. Use that to confuse your followers.

All jokes aside—real leadership is rare because it is hard. But when we find it, we know. Let’s stop celebrating titles and start demanding results.

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Written by: Nathan Felix

Written by: Nathan Felix

Nathan Felix is a final-year Theatre Arts student with a passion for storytelling that bridges Lifestyle, Philosophy, and Self-discovery. As a Creative Writer and emerging Journalist, he brings a dynamic voice to topics ranging from self-improvement to humour-infused commentary. Nathan blends narrative flair with thoughtful analysis, often using descriptive and persuasive techniques to engage and inspire readers. His writing personality shifts seamlessly between Storyteller, Humorist, Analyst, and Motivator—depending on the tale that must be told. Whether formal, informal, or sarcastic, his tone adapts to meet the moment. He aims to spark thought, evoke emotion, and make audiences feel seen.

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